I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
