I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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