Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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