my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
