i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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