people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
