Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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