what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my shit smells like andre
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
