I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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