Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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