After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
