you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize