Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
