True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
