I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
