I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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