we should wear snuggies to the strip club
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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