I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
