how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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