Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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