This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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