He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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