thus making me awesome and them whores
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
