you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
