Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His nipple licking is glorious
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