we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
