exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
