Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Pants are for mortals
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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