I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
do nipples grow back?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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