Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she peed on how many people?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
