so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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