The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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