i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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