i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
