The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
