if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
