why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
