I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
