Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
