I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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