i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
