Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
