Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
