is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
