Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
