My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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