The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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