fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
