Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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