Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
