My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
