Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
