who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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