Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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