ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
