I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
