my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
