Where is the hickey?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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