dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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