Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
