I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize