At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
